Swedish Porn
by SammiMD
Summary: House decides to have a porn night. This was churned off in about 30 mins for @Sheis1963 so it is unedited, unbeta-ed and very rough. Please be gentle :   Rated M solely for the use of the word "porn"


It started out like any other day at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital – House arrived late, Cuddy chewed him out, House ignored it and went up to his office to avoid anything resembling work. Unfortunately his lackeys had a case waiting for him. Let the mockery begin.

The usual suspects raised their ugly heads – Sarcoidosis, Paraneoplastic Syndrome, Lupus. For crying out loud! It's not Lupus! It's never Lupus. Only an idiot who doesn't have a brain and can't think up any alternative illnesses ever suggests Lupus. It was one of those diseases that affected so many systems and was so easy to misdiagnose that it gone thrown onto the pile ever time. Hell, a simple cold could be attributed to Lupus if you wanted it to. He resisted the temptation to throw his hacked up Lupus handbook at his team every time one of them uttered that inane word.

And in the end it was Lupus.

Chilblain lupus erythematosus to be precise. He managed to convince his team that he wasn't wrong because technically it should have been diagnosed as Hutchinson Syndrome. He didn't care if they believed him or not. Patient diagnosed, case closed, time to head home and watch some porn on pay-per-view. All the good stuff was European and cost a lot, but at least he could record it on his DVR and watch it later. Maybe he'd invite Wilson over for a porn night. Maybe Cuddy….

He grabbed his leather jacket off the back of his chair. Yet another night in which he was heading home alone to watch porn. Hell, it was a Friday night. He should be heading out on the town, go to a bar, pick up a girl…woman…whatever. It all seemed like too much effort really. Plus women seemed to detect that he was just in it for the sex.

There was always the alternative – invite someone over to watch the porn with him. His choices were Wilson or Cuddy. Who would he rather to have sitting next to him watching raunchy girl-on-girl Swedish porn? His boss or his best friend? What the hell, make it a party night and invite both. The more the merrier….right?

He left his office and barged into Wilson's. Damn, he hadn't caught him with a patient. Missed a perfect opportunity to embarrass him.

"Yo, Wilson. Porn night. You in?"

"Hi House, yes I've had a good day, how about you? Why I'd love to come over and have dinner with you tonight, thanks for asking. You want me to pick up pizza or Chinese?"

"Buyer's choice."

"I see. Well I'll be over at 7pm. Make sure you have beer in the fridge this time. I'm not heading out again once I get there."

"Yeah, yeah." House said as he left Wilson's office.

Just before he closed the door he stuck his head back in.

"Invite Cuddy along won't you?" And closed the door, grinning triumphantly at the shocked look on his friend's face.

Now all he had to do was stock up on plenty of booze and let the night roll on.

Wilson, true to his word, rocked up at exactly 7pm bearing bags full of Chinese. Cuddy followed close on his heels.

"Got a lift with Wilson did you?"  
"Yeah, seemed easier than two of us trying to find a park."

"Right."

"So…Wilson said something about a movie night?"

House turned and quirked an eyebrow at Wilson who just shrugged in reply.

"You chickened out asking so I figured you could do the explaining."

"Thanks buddy. I'll remember that next time you want something." House glared at him

"Since when do I ask you for anything and actually expect to get it?" Wilson replied.

"Touché. Right then, Cuddy, it's not a movie night. It's a porn night. High quality, Swedish porn with a kicking audio track."

"House," Cuddy gave him a warning look, "This isn't really my kinda thing you know."

"Give it a go before you judge it. You know what they say about drugs – don't knock it till you've tried it."

"Actually I think the motto is 'Just say no', but anyway…"

"Come on, just give it a go. If you hate it you can always get Jimmy to drive you home and we'll never speak of it again."

"Fine, just don't say I didn't warn you."

House beamed and flopped into the couch, patting the seat next to him, indicating for Cuddy to join him. Wilson came back into the room and plonked the cardboard cartons of Chinese on the coffee table before taking a seat in one of the other chairs.

House grinned and turned the TV on.

"A boy's night in of fun begins" he announced.

.

.

.

.

Cuddy jerked up in bed, jolted from her dream. She did a quick mental check – everything was as it should be.

"Go back to sleep, it's Saturday" a man's voice mumbled from beside her in the bed.

Cuddy turned and looked at House scrunched up in the sheets next to her. He had one pillow half under his head and the other covering one side of his face. She removed the pillow from his face and stared down at him.

"You're staring at me again." He mumbled, not opening his eyes.

"I had a dream…make that a nightmare."  
"Wilson and Sam were moving in next door?"

"No…you invited me to a porn night."

"So?"

"And I was male…"  
"Oh…well…you're taking my sex change joke a bit far aren't you?"  
"This is serious House!"

"No it's not. You stayed up too late watching Nip/Tuck. Now lay back down and go back to sleep before you wake me up."

Cuddy smiled fondly at him, before nestling back down into the bed and putting her head on his chest.

"You know…you seemed to like me as a guy…" she teased.

House groaned and pulled the pillow back over his head.


End file.
